I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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