He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
