in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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