just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
