she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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