Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
bring money and cleavage
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
