Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
