using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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