I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
