we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
