How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
