I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
