He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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