I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I need to calm my uterus...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
