Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
