Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
