I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
