She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize