he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
