she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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