apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
please come you make the beer taste better
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
