Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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