Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
