I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
