R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
