Where did you get a picture of my penis
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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