Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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