Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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