It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
