he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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