Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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