Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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