do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize