can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
