if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
