made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
