omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
porn star boner night. come get it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
