Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
