bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
