go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
