I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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