The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize