"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
