So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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