He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
