oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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