I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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