So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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