I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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