I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
