remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
