he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
