Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
