**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
