are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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