stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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