I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
