I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just tell him i said nine months
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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