The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
