So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
